Brazil anyone?

A glimpse of enlightenment proceeded the journey

Too cool for Skool, the videos are from Byron bay


So get to Nimbin and it's almost too chilled out, you have nice intelligent people, Germans that sound like they are from London, i've heard it's nice, some think it's splendid!, if there was a list of places you could go to, that would be towards the bottom, hopefully to transit.

I forced myself out of the hostel, before i had to be peeled off of a chair and made it down the hill to the village, the trick i believe is to get back up the hill, what goes down, must go back up and i was going back up the hill, with food, but munching on cookies seems to do the trick, but things could turn out like an episode out of 'Scooby Doo', like 'Soiks dude!'

TEN REASONS WHY "SCOOBY DOO" WAS A DRUG-INFLUENCED CARTOON:

1. Scooby and Shaggy were always being freaked out by ghosts and ghouls, but no one else saw them before Scoob and Shaggy
2. Scooby and Shaggy always had the munchies.
3. Shaggy always thought Scooby was talking and was the only one who could hear him and understand him.
4. Scooby and Shaggy always fell into the trap that was intended for the monster because they were tripping over themselves and couldn't see where they were going.
5. They were always deluded and warped by thinking they were dressed up in some costumes and entertained the monster.
6. Shaggy always said "like" to the extreme, i.e. "like ZOIKS, Scoob, let's get outta here!!" What's a ZOIK?
7. Scooby and Shaggy were always the ones in the back of the van (doing who knows what).
8. They drove around in the MYSTERY MACHINE, which had that weird trippy design on it's side.
9. Shaggy and Scooby were always giddy and laughing.
10. Look at Shaggy; the way he dressed, his goatee, etc., 'nuff said.

And what goes bump in the night? Probably an 87 kilo Irish guy trying to get off a bunk bed, in the never ending quest to empty a bladder (his own) at 5am, or there abouts

This is how she rolls, i approve!!

Byron bay, i forgot how beautiful it was, what was i thinking?

Videos are from Byron bay


So, our story begins before Byron bay, stayed with Vince in South port, he was the first true blue Aussie i met in Queensland and i was impressed, very impressed, i havent met a guy like him in a long time, he was telling me a crazy story of how he got drugged, stole a taxi along the way to get away and banged up in jail in Thailand for 4 month, for his trouble, with his 2 big opals stolen, it was stuff for a block buster Hollywood movie, except his story was true.

Who said the west is the best?


So Byron bay wasn't far, so i went and to tell the tooth or truth, i was blown away on how amazing it was, i didn't remember it ever being that amazing, one day i saw a YHA poster for Nimbin, so i went there and spent a few more days that i thought.

To tell the truth i was really relaxed in Byron bay, when i hit Nimbin i was ultra relaxed and sleeping about 10 hours a day, which is about twice my normal.

I got there just after the Mardigras festival, it wasn't so much a hippy festival as a good place to meet cops from Sydney with their dogs, with great noses, the nose knows.

But the people of Nimbin dont really care what the cops think, they do what they want to do anyways, and we did it, rock and roll!!



As soon as you check in to the hostel, there were people rolling, or as i like to call it, doing a bit of arts and crafts, it's good to be crafty! Which is essential as there are quite a few security cameras about the main street in Nibin, big brother is watching, so all business was conducted off the street away as Jay Z would say 'Streets is watching'

Goat and light house


It was funny too, one day i was having a beer in the awesome beer garden, with a long sleeves i am wearing and i get a look off of a guy to say 'Fuck off cop', i have never gotten a look like that, especially when people see the tattoos, i wanted to say 'Hey man, i'm one of ye', but i had to laugh!

I was on the last Ansett flight from Melbourne to Sydney, Ansett who?


I got the Happy bus to Nimbin and back, so here's the history lesson, the guy was telling me about the Kon-Tiki voyage raft and the oldest trees in the world are the Wollemai pine, its been dated to 200 million years, i guess thats pretty old, it's older than i can remember so who am i to argue, i'm just happy to say, some guy said it and leave it at that!

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke

So, i came back to Melbourne, Autumn was kicking in, i was feeling a bit drained, after a week in Confest, one of the best festivals you will go to ever!!



I got a ride back to Melbourne with one of the gay guys, which was handy as there were lots of teenagers trying to hitch rides from people that brought everything, the kitchen sink, wife, girlfriend and the other girlfriend, to share of course, sharing is caring, after all?

I put the festival behind me, Melbourne was in front of me and i had 2 more cookies on the way back and enjoyed all the amazing colors on the way back from the safety of the passengers seat, what a road trip.



The gay guy was getting a bit hungry, one of his comments was

'I haven't been eating cookies, like you Kieran' 

He probably thought i was rude not giving him a cookie, but i didn't want to say..

'Hey buddy, you dont want to be munching what i'm munching, we would be dead!'

So, i was 2 night back in Melbourne and i was off again, i didn't have a clue what i was going to do in Queensland, i didn't really want to go, but i got my tax return and there was no point in hanging around in Melbourne until the end of the financial year, which is the end of next month (30 June), so it was off to a warmer climate i was, so i went off and let the Queensland experience happen and did it, what!



So, i didn't know anything, no guide book, but the first impressions of the Gold coast was:

1. Expensive buses if you pay cash, get a Go card, it's 30% cheaper
2. The people are really friendly
3. The girls are really nice
4. People are curious and not Cynical
5. The coast line was really beautiful
6. The people i met were from there and not passing through and it showed, it like the differences between New York and Boston
7. The attitude was very laid back
8. There is no rush, rush hour or rat race
9. It was warm, Melbourne is a tat chilly
10. The prices of houses, skate boards, surfboards were fair, if not cheap
11. The houses are the old style houses that i've only seen in movies
12. It's the Australia i've always wanted to experience, that doesn't exist anywhere else
13. You can talk to anyone and have a chat
14. There wasn't any social problems, areas that weren't good areas are quite nice
15. If i'm going to buy anything in Australia, it will be there
16. If i stay in Melbourne, in 10 years time i will be in the same position i'm in now
17. I can take up surfing again, start skate boarding
18. Your close to Byron bay, Sunshine coast, rain forests
19. There is a new football team, the Gold Coast Suns, like how any team is formed, the place is growing, people will be coming and they will experience what i have and they will want that too, so now is the best time to go.
20. When i become a citizen (early next year) i will be eligible for a first time buyers allowance 
21. It's so easy to meet good people and they seem to care about people and it's not about them
22. They have the catamaran water taxis and at sunset and night time, it is beautiful to see it all
23. My boxes were already packed, i was ready to go
24. Like Warren Buffet when he is figuring out if a deal is good, 'If the choice is not screaming at you, dont do it', well the autoimmunity of Brisbane was screaming at me
25. I can always come back to Melbourne, if the worst comes to worst
26. There is some of the best surf breaks in the world
27. I can get a $25 flight to Melbourne, it's cheaper to fly there than put fuel in you car in Melbourne and drive to the beach
28. The airport in the Gold coast is next to Collengatta beach and the hostel is near the beach
29. I had one of the best days in my life at Dream world, i went on all the rides, again and again and ...

 Do i need to go on?

The early bird gets the worm

The early bird gets the worm...and i should know, i saw one eating a worm while waiting for my couch surfing host Vince to wake up one day, oh how i laughed!!

So, i got to the Gold Coast, Couch surfer Kate was stuck in traffic, so i made my was to South Port to hang out with Vince, one of the coolest 51 year old's you will meet, we went to Couch surfer Andrew for a BBQ, beers more wine, fall over the step and wake up thinking 'What happened again?', that was what i was thinking, Vince looked half dead, so i went to meet Kate, her house mate Kate and go to the Dutch Party.

..and i'm cracker ass fantastic


So i went, on the way another couch surfer called me, inviting me to the same party, since i was on my way, what the hell? I've never been invited to the same party twice, just after getting into a town i didn't know, but this is Queensland and it was beginning to work it's magic on me!!

 Kate explains


I had coffee with Kate and her friend before going to the party, and who did i see advertised to play in the Coolie, the day my sister was getting married, none only than 'Dirt Nasty', the rapper Ali from New York introduced me to, she was flying out on the 13th, he was playing on the 14th, it was all getting a bit too much to digest, the right place, the right time all the signs were good for Queensland!!

Hip hip hurrah for Queensland!!

Did someone say 'Cracker ass fantastic?

Introducing Dirt Nasty


I didn't bother looking at any guide book, i thought i'd let myself be surprised, and i am surprised? Now i want to move here, it comes as a complete surprised!!

Over the border, it's like Mexico, but in Australia

I love the dough more than you know

Confest is not about $$, but you need $$ for cookies and off i went to get $$.

Cookies dont come cheap, or maybe they would if you knew the right people and i wasn't taking any risks, i wanted to eat them all, so to get the $$ i went on a road trip with Simon (from Sweden) and Pete (festival director from England)

My card had been declined in the previous due to a trip to the Adelaide Casino, Adelaide Casino, your a bad casino, you wanted all my money!! Especially since i was up about $150, how Rude!!


I spotted a Combank and in i went and got $200 from the account i created in Darwin
The story with that account is, if you have a NAB account, i do and you go in to combank and open a new account, i did and put in $500, they will give you $100 in 6 weeks, i take the $100, then close the account, fuck you Commonwealth bank a second time.

Brain says:

 'Ungrateful Kieran, those Combank whores are good to you'

They were good, and exceptional at charging fees! But they are still whores that fleeced me over seas, i will enjoy closing that account as much as the first time i closed it!!

Confest was on

Festival starts Kieran spies a sign that says 'Cookies for sale' and thats where i turned into a cookie monster, i bought 10 the first day and i was in business and then i got some more before all the other bastards ate them all!

Some of the workshops i attended were:
- The art of kissing
- Getting a home loan, which was interesting as last year i was stressing out about getting a home loan and buying into the Fitzroy dream, after last years Confest i realised buying into that dream (illusion) would be my nightmare
- I went to a whole load of relationship's type of workshops
- I went to 12 steps recovering from addiction and they started reading the bible, that was my signal to get out

I walked up to one workshop, some guy in a hat said

 'All right Kieran man'

I could swear i've never seen that guy in my life!
I listened to some professor answer questions hippies had about the universe
I saw a laughter group, i heard about a cuddle party, it's popular stuff!!

Cuddle party


When the lights in the sky went low, i retreated to the gay camp, they had all my food in the jeep and there were mice that would nibble on anything, one Swiss girl had her cask of goon attacked by mice, the result was a tent floor, full of goon, not pretty!!!

Laughter group


This guy, i am not!!

So, as i ate my food, i got to hear the gay guys bang on about their sex lives, trying not to choke on any food and then off i'd be to see the other camp fires.
If your not gay, it's too much.

The festival had lots of colorful gay characters, the festival is more outrgeous because of them, if you can shock a gay guy it must be pretty shocking!!

Something festive?

One of the characters Arthur, was a rampant gay, with a big belly!! Bigger than Santa Clause, i heard all about his steam room (it's a team game, i believe?) endeavors.

One day i aw him out side his truck, in his bithday suit after sticking my head out of the tent and i managed a 'Your looking well Arthur', it was one of those moments, it's not often you see  naked Santa taking a piss.

Arthur got back in his van, i went over for a chat, and i had 4 eyes looking at me from under blankets, which was funny, because i though i saw 1 pair of eyes get in to the van, and the other pair was about 25 years younger than the 'Santa lover', was it a gay reproduction thing? But it was Confest, anything goes!

I was at Confest from foreplay till, lets get the hell out of here!!!

So, i got to Confest, a few days before anybody else, i got there when it was an empty field, but that was soon to change.

The first night we got there, gay crew and the mascot straight guy, i was the biggest non gay in the village.
So, only volunteers are allowed on site before the festival, so i volunteered and i payed full price too.

Here's what went down, in we went and had dinner, then we were off to one of the directors camp for home brew burbon, which was exceptional stuff, this was obvious but the quantities people were indulging.

One of the Directors Brian told me my heritage was Spanish, which makes sense and strange coming from a guy that doesn't know me.

I dont think i fit to well into the Irish sterotype any more, all this being over seas has changed me, for the better maybe, but dont judge me until my last breadth and as long as that last breadth is on top of an 18 year old cocktail waitress, you can say what you Fu$kin well like after that, i'm done!!
God, if your really up there, my only wish is that i go as i come?


Cocktails anybody?

I met another director, Eamonn, i think, he seemed very switched on, he told me he really enjoyed our conversation, the thing that amazed me was he was quoting stuff not many farmers would know about.

We covered just bout everything, the past, present, future, land, markets, a very interesting guy, he must have been loaded too!!

He didn't even get too peterbed when the irate Tepi village rocked up bitching about the gay guys camping on where he wanted to camp, you snooze, you lose, oh the hippy dramas!!

The Eamonn the farmer, continued with his story and didn't give the irate Tipi man a second consideration, very impressive!

For a hippy festival, you'd think there would be 'Peace and love', but behind the scenes it's all 'Love and Peace off', how strange?

Leaving Rat-alaide, Confest (it's a conference), here i come!!!

It was time to leave good old Rat-alaide, Paula and her housemate dropped me off on the street Couch Surfer David was going to be staying, it was the posh part of town and i finished off my beers from the night before as all the neighbours went out for their morning jog and stroll, i was getting looks probably normally reserved for small exotic animals, rich socialites and lesbian's...socialite ones, do you know the type?

We were on our way to a festival called 'Confest', the most Melbourne festival you could get (and nearly every car had the state of Victoria on it, who needs 'Empire state' of mind), but this was all in New South Wales, where the laws are a bit lax compared to Victoria.

Ever since Victoria got it's independence from NSW, they have been at logger heads, probably Victoria announcing a Gold strike the day after the split wasn't exactly cricket, but who's perfect? Listen to how Queensland got it's name

I remember being in front of a tram stop, years ago with my first Girlfriend (of sorts) Claire, i said

'Thank god for the Queen, for tomorrow we get the day off'

I was only joking, some guy stepped forward and looked at me and said

'The Queen can fuck off to Queensland'

It was Classic!!

Queensland

It would appear the laws aren't so strict in New South Wales, and it's just over the border, so maybe NSW becomes a bit of a sin city for some, then you can come back to Victoria, clean as a whistle.

'Was the Devil trying to get in or get out' 

Some might ask you, and the response could be 'Definatly trying to get out and i left him in NSW', phew!! Thank god for that!! Welcome to Victoria, the place to be...fined.

But before the festival, i was listening to triple J and they said there was a Deadmau5 2 hour set coming up recorded live in London, i had more than a few beers listening to this great set, quality stuff!!

Deadmau5 

So anyways, the nest day, i was off to Confest with the boys, it was a bit of a boys outing, except
'The boys' were off to set up the 'Gay Village' in Confest, and piss the 'Tipi' village, the men with wig wams were not happy with the territory emproachment, so here's the story, well part of.

Camp ground stealer's

Most of the organisers of Confest are Gay. So when the Gay village moved in the gay organisers looking at a huge  field said, 'Yeah, no problem, first come first served', the gays moved in, there wasn't exactly a row of tents, maybe that's where things could have went wrong?

All the Tipi people want is to be a camp, one big happy row of tents would do even!

One night before the festival, introducing and angry hetero sexual, with Wig Wam in toe, drives up as the boys are eating their dinner, as every good boy should do and pretty much tells them to 'fuck off', pretty much like that episode out of Father Ted, the episode about he stolen whistle.

Father Ted
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The funny thing is, one of the organisers, a gay guy was out to Sabotage the Gay village, and stat as much drama as possible as soon as he said to the gay guys, camp here no problems, and they did.

Soon after the same guy, said :

'Oh, the Tipi Village wont be happy with you being there'

A sign of things to come? 

 Is this a worlds first 'Gay guy, sabotaging gay guys' (Since Edgar Hoover, of course)

It's funny as the gay organiser certainly did like Gay guys, he liked going to the Sauna after midnight, sauna after midnight is 'NOTORIOUS', every straight guy would want to be out of hearing distance of the goings on.

Not that you'd have to be within hearing distance of gays, it was my personal experience, that no more than 10 minutes of listening to 10 gay guys talk was enough to drive me away to other camp fires for a few hours, for real!!

Swag bag

I did get to sleep in a swag bag, a real pioneer experience, one of the guys Nathan, dislocated his shoulder and woke up in a swag bag, the chick he woke up next to said 'Oh no, i have to make bacon, eggs and coffee, do you want some?'

The chicks kid saw her in the swag with Nathan and she said:

 'I'm not a slut, we didn't have sex!'

The kid said 'Aw mom, i don't care' and walked off with his friends, Nathan didn't know what was going on!!!
It would have been pretty funny!! Nathan didn't know what was going on, but it was Confest!!!