'When it rains, it pours'

...you've all heard of this title, now haven't ye? No? Well continue then!!

Well, let me give you a case in point, I get home on Friday, it starts raining, and it pretty much doesn't stop, until yesterday, I stayed in, the party came to me, so to speak and life was, as still is, absolutely perfect.

So, Dave comes round on Friday night, chains the bike up and in he comes, what’s new, what’s new? For one thing, I would say, 'Klub Kaos' had its opening night, or 'Kieran's Klub Kaos', KKK, is that going too far?

As soon as I said 'Klub Kaos' the suggestions were coming in quick, before I said Klub Kaos, we were sitting in a out door bathroom, between the back yard and the house, trying not to get our faces wet, such as life?

White fairy lights were the top of everyone’s list of suggestions, a sure sign of a brothel in Mexico, but hey it's Australia, they do things different here, and over there and maybe the other side of the river, over there, if I stand up and look and type, only if.

So, the Klub is the bathroom of the work mans cottage, my house, I’m a working man, well of sorts, I go to work most days, what I do is anybody’s guess? 
Bathrooms, bathrooms, it's all about the bathroom, it's not any kind of bathroom, but an outside room where the fine tunes were emitting from all 4 walls, maybe the ceiling? With the door, half (stuck) ajar, we have an open door policy, no door list all are welcome, and in they came, the club level/energy peaked with 5 in total attendance, with 4 out of the 5 people defiantly getting the good vibrations, club life, how bad?

So, it was like that on Friday night, Friday night rolled into Saturday, we did have to make a trip to the outside doors, to get more Gin and stuff to mix gin with and come back. 
On the way back Saturday night, we stopped in to order pizza, we were looking for the meat in the pizzas, couldn’t see any reference to any meet, the name of the shop might have been a 'bit of a clue' to us, 'Mr Vegetarian', you'd think? Back we went to calibrate the Dopamine levels in our system, making careful note to come back for the pizzas!!

If it was our task to 'Find the heart of a Saturday night', we were in the right place, we didn't need to go anywhere, it was like we were snowed in my liquid snow, and if you wet out in it, it was like getting a cold shower and being in the cold?

You following all of this?

We were laughing too much to care or to be bothered, or both. So after watching the rain all night Friday night, Saturday, the only thing was to, in the words to Jimi Hendrix, was to 

'On a rainy day, sit back and relax'

This we did, in Klub Kaos, and then we had a visitor, someone I met 2 months ago in Revolver, Dani.

So after much chatting online with Dani, after one chance meeting a Saturday morning (probably around 6am) in Revolver, we finally meet again, in Klub Kaos, I can see the whole neighbour hood trying to 'get in on the act', queues up and down the street next week? I wouldn't be too surprised, I can see the reviews, 'The place were old flames are re-ignited, where friends get together, and you can have a shower and wash you colthes (by hand, hopefully we'll have a washing machine soon).........at Klub Kaos'

And then, our prayers were answered!!

Steward called in to the Klub, with Ami, let us from here on refer to this happy couple as 'The bringers of good news'. What, what? You say, was there a baby born somewhere, nope, but probably a baby was born, probably like the baby Jesus too, but that has nothing to do with this story. 


No, did some kid fall off of his skateboard, future world champion skater, and now his mammy wont let him skate anymore, she says it's too dangerous, all the skating business!!

Nope, nope and triple nope! There were plates, the ones you can eat off of, and smaller plates and other stuff, up the road? And what's one thing the Klub is missing, but plates! Plates, plates, plates!!

Another holy plate

We did have one plate, I refer to it as 'The holy plate for eating off of', now we have about 20 big plates and 30 smaller ones, we could have a midget Greek wedding, maybe you could throw the midgets and break the plates? 


If the Klub continues to expand in the coming months, I might cook food and then put it on the plates, no bother at all, Jack Kerouac said that 'life is the road', how true, especially since I have furnished a lot of things in the house, from the road, many roads, some of them intersecting, maybe inter twining, interlocking, no? Heavens no!

Found magazine is one of my favourite websites, I do like 'finding things', not so much 'finding out' things, and defiantly not, 'finding out bad things', I really don’t like doing that, but I guess it kinda creeps up on you?


Something i dont have to worry about finding out, i'll leave that to someone else, i'll leave it to someone else to worry about.

I still have to find a use for a slow cooker I found/got, I got for nothing a few weeks ago, I did buy a few bowls for a $1, (he said you might as well take anything you want) I didn't want a slow cooker, and I still don’t, but I got one and I hold all the cards.


Got any recipes? Maybe a recipe for disaster? Something?

But I need to find a recipe, maybe the recipe will find me? It would make sense, especially since I wasn't looking of a slow cooker, and it a new one too, so if you have a 'new' recipe, for my new slow cooker (that I got for free) I’m all ears Klubers!!

Doctor doctor, give me a cure, i got a strange case of....

So, yesterday, I go to the doctor, to get a spot checked out, I tell the doctor where it is, she looks agrees, then she informs me she has no time, it will be another consultation, it's normally 2 consultations, she was all about her consultations and so I paid, the consultation, that wasn’t a consultation, more like, she agreed with me, do you agree?

That will be $66, come back to-morrow and some other guy will do it tomorrow, so now it being tomorrow, I have to go back, not that I really want to, I was planning on going to the beach tomorrow, so it's a choice between a rock and a hard place, so now I go back to get what I should have got yesterday, but today, it wasn't so bad, yesterday, until I left and I thought to myself.

I just paid $66, to some clown for them to agree with I already knew, part B of the process, should be to put some dry ice on it and hey presto, gone, go to the beach tomorrow, but tomorrow might be raining, but there is no point trying to see a doctor, flying or not up my way, they are usually all booked out on the weekends, even the Asian ones.

Flying doctors

Not that I have much experience in the way with doctors, none at all, it seems to be extortion, in its purest sense. Maybe I’m in the wrong game? Maybe next time I want to see a doctor, I should come into the city on the tram (ok, are you with me so far?) and get a train to the suburbs to see a proper doctor, that's not thinking about the payments on their sports car, all this, and pretty soon I have to go back, to see the 'Nick Rivera’s' of Melbourne, health care, it is not!

Now, i need a spin doctor, to try see the funny side of paying a doctor twice to do something once.

The Tiger in me is the tiger in you!!

 Well, I was thinking of something to do, draw, complain, write, something? So I said I’ll have a peek at what’s making the news, and low and behold, the King is back? 


Tiger Woods at the Melbourne airport this morning

And some people are making a monkey out of him, I’m sort of outraged, in a monkey kind of way, and I do like eating banana’s (cool, eh?)

Happier daze?

The King of course being Tiger Woods, he's lost his number 1 spot, I’m not sure he would care after the ordeal he's put himself through in the past year, he's back in Melbourne, he'll play a bit and why not? He's got a guy to carry his swinging sticks for him and he gets paid a lot of money, some chick might hold his balls and sex, don’t get me started!!

Tiger will pick up his $3 million fee ($1.5 coming from tax payers) and he'll be off, like some kind of flying 'eye of the tiger', but very elevated', maybe cruzeing altitude? Trouble is, not many people are too happy about giving little old tiger a helping hand in keeping his Swedish ex in the lap of luxury. I mean, those Swedish women wear the pants, and if you don’t keep them happy, they are out buster, and they are taking everything with them, you lose.

Time to get back on the donkey you rode in on buddy?

Funny, when I wrote Buster there, I got a flash back of Buster Keating, when he was a kid, he taught himself how to break his falls, a self taught stunt man, when he was on stage with his family, part of the routine involved throwing him, one time he fell down a flight of stairs, who saw it? 

But Harry Houdini!!

Houdini’s response after watching him get up was, 'That was quite a Buster!', (meaning a fall) and the name stook, he was Buster Keating for that day on.

Last night, I went to my sometime usual once a month movie night, last night, and it was quite funny how in 'some' old movies, the stories didn't quite make sense, or you would have some random coincidence, where the hero would figure this out and the day would be saved, always with a fight scene, good always overcomes evil. Hip hip hurrah!!

My favourite one was where the hero goes into a room a woman was kidnapped from by a mysterious menace, the type writer keys 'NGLIA', the hero ponders it and says, 'The mysterious menace is Nigel' and off out he would go to save the day.

The last movie was called 'Spy Smasher’; a child could have come up with a better plot. On my way home, I found 2 frying pans someone discarded in front of their house, so there was a happy ending and this morning I found a few chopping boards and an electric frying pan (if you don’t mind, la de lah) I could almost feel like a complete house wife? A good start to the day or what? You see, good start, happy ending, might need to work on the middle bit, but I think you get the point?

I could be the (home maker) person at home (popping a few little mammas little helpers, yummie!!)

How was your day hunny (hick)? (Might have to ease off the champagne?)

More movie talk:

You could tell, the scenes were shot on a stage, with the set design, the director’s friend obviously had a set he could use and all of a sudden there was some strange coincidence in the movie to make it fit, obviously the audiences didn't ask too many questions, and it was the early years of the picture stories developing. But the count of Monte Cristo was written in the year 1844 and that was a great story, and complicated? 


But movies in those days were made with Californian, Los Angeles Hollywood, types and not much has changed there.


p.s.
The stunts in the early movies were crazy, you could tell they just did them, there is no way leading actors would be allowed do any of the stunts they did, some of them if they got it wrong, they were dead. I think i'll stick to my day job, thanks.

What's the difference between me and you?

True story!!

After a very chilled out weekend, something had to give and it gave and I’m back to square one, Monday morning, moving promptly to the afternoon and time rolls on and on and it closer I’m getting for when I will be leaving, for its Japan I am bound, before going back to Europe.

It's interesting, some would say (but I won’t say that), let me explain, I saw someone’s Fail book profile last week, some people (mostly American) seem to think it’s impressive to quote the % of the world they've been to. We all know there are lies, absolute lies and statistics, don’t we? Well some don't? Or didn't, but you do now! What's the difference?

It's my world, my world, my world... sucker!

Let me explain, I’ve been to a lot of places in the world, in fact I would say, after Japan, I would be happy if I never travelled anywhere after that, but that is not the point. I go places I like, I don’t really have any agenda or schedule. Truth be told Jack Kerouac's book, 'On the road' has had a big impact on my attitude about traveling, in that you'll eat something, something will give and you'll get there, all you have to do is 'GO'!

One Korean chick I met in Chile said:

'Kieran, I know your travel style, your freestyle'

 Hmmm, maybe she was on to something? And now that I’ve been some where, done something and I have friends in these places, I’ll go back, Brazil of course being one of those places. Why not, i like them and the places too.

Now, If you go to go to, say Scandinavia as a tourist, it's all very nice, you see one side to the people, very nice, but if you work there, it's a different side, you have to learn their language, even though they speak better English than you ever did, it's a completely different experience, with different rules, if your not a tourist just passing through. You begin to see things about a culture a tourist will never see or experience.

When you go somewhere, your only getting a snapshot of that country on that year, it's political system and the people, you could go back 10 years later, different place a good case in point is Europe, the European union has totally transformed Europe, as far as I can see, I’m a European citizen first, then Irish secondly, and they you try to put a % on something that's constantly shifting?

I remember reading a book about Celtic Spirituality, called 'Anam Chara' by John Donahue

He says, there are the three things that make up who you essentially are:

1, Your language

2, Your Culture

3, The land your from and your connection to it

So, ideally, if you can get a better understanding of these 3 points when you go somewhere, you could be getting a better experience than someone taking so much video and photos, they don’t actually experience much (but don’t tell them that.)

Learning Spanish, was a big thing I wanted to do, and you'll only do this when you get away from English speakers and get out side your comfort zone, but if and when you do, it's worth it, one day your just speaking Spanish and it feels like you have scaled to the top of a mountain, a lot of people I met in South America weren’t interested in learning Spanish, only hanging out and that’s fine, if that's what your after.

Learning Spanish was part of a plan to start thinking in a new way and I did it too, I completely forgot who I was and it helped me speak clearer English too.

One guy told me there was nothing between Buenos Aires and the waterfalls on the border of Brazil and Argentina, it was an 18 hour bus ride, nothing of course if you don’t Speak Spanish, if you did speak Spanish, and you could be having the time of your life!! But most didn't speak anything and they were happy with nothingness, you live you learn.

Some seem to think you have to go somewhere to experience all this, the advantage of living in somewhere like Melbourne, is you can experience the world, right here and it's not more that a tram ride away.

I was thinking a good measure on the amount of travelling you've done, is when you go 'home' to were you grew up and it's a different place, 'Same same, but different'

A bit like the Lord Budda, under the tree, you have enlightenment, of sorts.

I had a very chilled out day yesterday, sunshine, music in the back yard, hanging out with Dave and my housemate Sam, good tunes, didn't need to go anywhere, didn't want to go anywhere, I was just happy being right there and there is a lot of comfort in that too.

In other news, I found 2 TV's on the street, to add to my collection, it's a bit like the Goldie locks story, only with TV's, I have a little one, medium one and a big one.

I later sold the medium one for $10, hey I’m a business man, just about everything in the house has been rescued from the street, it's becoming quite impressive, and my next sideline venture could be selling TV's!!

Bored yet? Switch the channel.

Treeway, three some and then some? How do i explain what i gotta explain?

Photos are Buster Keating....and other stuff too?

'1960, what a year! I hear, they make condoms much better now, not that I would know.'

That’s what I wrote on some guys birthday card, he's 50 today, I wonder if I’ll ever get to the 'ripe-old-age' of 50, Keith Richards did, what's stopping me?

Will someone write something as memorable on my birthday card? Will they have birthday cards? Maybe they will have some sort of Wi-fi ping thing to my mobile console, oh it's all future talk, it's the least of my problems, right now anyways.

I was wondering why I didn't sign someone’s name to it (not my own) and then I got handed the card back, so I signed a super serious guys name to it, the simple things in life that give me the most pleasure, maybe there is a 80/20 rule, when will I get serious? Am I in the 80 zone or 20 zone? It can be hard to tell at the best of times?

So, it looks like I’m 'All booked up for later', booked up in the sense, I bought a ticket to Crowded House, months ago and they are playing at 8pm, Buster Keating's 'Our Hospitality' with music by the band Blue Grassy Knoll is on at 7.30pm, I got a ticket for that and my mates band with beer tab is on at 6.30, I got a ticket for that also, talk about torn between 2 lovers? 3 loves, and one ex, the ex being alcohol until further notice.

Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool

Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules

Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool

Lovin' you both is breakin' all the rules

But I digress, I was torn between 3 lovers in fact (and there isn't even any alcohol involved), now after being out for a walk, in the Sunshine, it came to me, I might as well do everything, I might need to reform to my old alter ego Dean Cassidy days and just do everything, but not at once.

Dean Cassidy, say his name and you were born to be.....

So I have devised a cunning plan, I will

A, Go home for the Crowded house ticket, did someone say have a smoke?

B, Get back to the city for the social club, drinks thing, have one or 2 drinks then

B, Go to the movie, movie ends with 2 minutes to get to the gig

C, Jump in a taxi and go to the gig

D, The Eagle wants to go for a drink afterwards, we'll just have to see about that, now wont we?

 I put this in for no good reason, it's the Ken Kesey and the merry pranksters?

And I was reading about Keef Richards, an a bit like introducing a gun in Scene 1, it's got to go off by the last scene, well Keef was supposed to have a Sheppard’s pie one time before a gig, but the Security guys must of got a case of the munchies and they relieved him of that task.

What was Keef's response, it was.....

'Well fuck them, they can bloody well wait until another Shepherds pie shows up'

They, you say? 80,000 people, you have to laugh.

Maybe someone doing security for Crowded house will have the sense and eat their Shepherds pie? 

Makes sense to me.

Oh where did those daze go, and my porn career, what about that?

So, 1 month came to a close, had a few beers on Sunday night, watching the Cruel Sea, didn't do much for me, it was pretty expensive and my Psoriasis next day was looking like it wasn't the brightest idea in the world.

That said, the no alcohol business will continue on, on and on until my skin clears up at the very least.

So, let me tell you about last Friday night, I go home, chill out, I was supposed to go out with Dave and the Eagle, but they never made it out, I got pretty baked (half baked? I do have an interested in cookies, sometimes) and I watched my TV that resembles a microwave (to some trained eyes)

My TV

And I trained my eyes on the TV (no dinner) and what was on the box? Food for the soul, you'd be forgiven for thinking? No (well maybe), it was a documentary about porn!!

Yes, questions were being asked and answered, one of the answers was, 'You have to go to the gym, like 4 times a week', my eyes began to light up like Las Vegas pokie machine, jackpot!!

What? I go to the Gym at least 5 times a week?? Where is my cameo performance, captured on some hand held camcorder.

I've always seen myself as an Artist and I think the porn world could be ready for a picture of me in an French artist 'Beret', with paint and easel in hand, the title, 'I painted it black'. 

Paris Hilton, can you hear this, can you read this? Would it be easier if I drew you a picture? Because I would, with crayons, and there would be a happy sun too!! Call me, ok?

My paint it black photo on the cover (we're talking about my porn cover, you stoner, remember?)

The picture would be my stand for inequality and oppression in the world, I might need to get a bit of work with the 'thing' painted black between my legs, I just hope it wouldn't look too sad?

That’s what Photoshop is for, we could draw a happy face on it, god bless you Photoshop.

Look, Paris Hilton was seen trying to call me!!!

Enough of that, let me tell you this, I left the Eagle (I’m so horny, I need to pick up) talking to a chick, in a room of mostly evacuated drunk people at the gig.

Dave continues the story....

He's kissing that chick, and then she starts crying, it turns out she broke up with her boyfriend that day...

2 weeks ago the eagle was having sex with a chick that started snoring, during sex and he got an STD too.

Oh, what exciting times we live in, I'm gonna do a Mick Jagger and paint it black and see how I go!

The challenge for you......

 I'm reminded of that show where the voice would say

'The mission, if you choose to accept it....',

 It's from a show, somewhere from my child hood, don't expect me to be too specific here, I’ll promise you I wont make anything up, that's as close as I’ll get to telling the truth to you today.

(I just looked it up, VIA Google (Bless you google!!), it's from Mission Impossible)

Snoop made an appearance 2 years ago

Right so, let’s start.

'Bless me father, for I have sinned...’ no, no not that. It's not even Sunday, it's Tuesday, but a Tuesday with a Sunday service, tram service, with ticket inspectors, the first I’ve seen in quite a while, I was ready to validate my ticket. Money doesn't grow on trees pee-pole! 

I do intend to make it rain with all the bets i put on today for the races!!

Confused? It's Melbourne cup day, one of the biggest in the calendar in of Australia, the race that stops the nation, day off in Victoria, half a day off in Sydney, people in Sydney can lick my Ball$ and I’m working, err...a full day, hmmm?

And they all fall down...

A full day, but I’ve got my bets on and I’m bringing my scriptures to you, Haluajah, praise the Electricity industry!!!

So, the it looks like I’ve hit a wall here, let me think, why don’t I tell you about yesterday? Yesterday, I finished my place of work and walked to the eagles place in Richmond, I was going to go to the gym, come pack to work, drop my bag off and go to the gig. Instead I decided all this coming and going, more going than coming would make me feel like I was in a spin dryer, so I deferred all of that and went for the romantic walk along the Yarra.

So on the way there, who do I spot? But a guy downstairs that's always going on about sword fighting and battle combat, which is strange, cos he didn't see me walking towards him and him to me? Not very good for a self professed elite athlete, ninja, oh don’t make me laugh?

And i'm reminded Bumble bee man, i saw the soap opera version of this guy in Ecuador.


Where do you get the idea you can just do whatever you want? 

He goes to walk past me with some chick holding his hand, he's got 2 guys behind him, obviously his crew, he's obviously hoping I don’t saying anything, hoping, looking away, class act indeed.

Not a very good strategic tactic, so as he's walking past I take my earphones out, his girlfriend is looking right at me, not knowing if I am an El Crazy or not, then I say 'Since when did you like girls!!!' And they keep going off.

I have to say, he walked into that one, oh how I laughed, his mates were laughing too, it would have been much easier for him to just say 'hello', but what can you do? Will some people ever learn? I wonder. It gave me a laugh when I was going to sleep last night too. A class moment, in Cork they would say 'I made a right langer of him', I sure did, I sure did, he won’t be making that mistake again!

Horses for courses

So I got to the Eagles place and I did say I would stay off the beer for a month, the Eagle says to me, 'The challenge for you, is to have a few beers and leave it at that', I’m always up for a challenge, so I too up the challenge.

I brought him some sculpture thing I found on the street, on the way, 'House warming gift', his flat mates were out looking at it, it could barley balance, it made me laugh as they were inspecting the 'El work of art', Leonardo's Da Vinci's lost treasure maybe? Who knows, I found it on the street?

All eye on the prize

So the Cruel Sea come on, his band? Very average, I wouldn't rate them at all, everybody else seemed to be into it, but that’s people for you I guess?

The cruel sea band (in their younger daze) 

The Eagle was getting very aroused, which was strange the average female was in her 40's or older at the very least, is the world ready for a maybe could be true or false rumour about the eagle? I hope so, because as soon as you've stopped poring over these words, I’ll get straight on it!!!

One month no alcohol, a 100% success!!!

One month on, and I’m like a new man? Why, the reader asks? Ask and you shall be given, well since you've asked, it's been 1 month on today, one month of no beer for me, just like February's febfast, mission completed and I do feel a change.

Like...

I went to the gym Saturday morning, yes morning reader, I was feeling sufficiently tired on Friday night, lying on the couch, a bit dazed but not confused, I believe there was a documentary about porn on the TV (that resembles a microwave,  I recanted this (not the microwave) to a girl the next night at the 'Halloween party' I went to, she saw the same documentary, oh the simple things in life, really are free (it's even better if you have a vivid memory)

But first let me tell you this, one of my friends, Simon mentioned a 4 hour week blog , so I checked it out, it's made a big impression on him and immediately it made an impression on me.

One of the stories I read about was this guy, Michel de Montaigne 

I haven't a clue who he was, but now I’m interested, now.

3 things we can learnt from Michel

1, Self-Experimentation and Observation

2, Keep a Commonplace Book

3, Que sais je? (Don’t take yourself too seriously)

Take the first one, 'Self-Experimentation and Observation', I remember Ghandi doing l lot of Self-Experimentation, in his book, My experiments with truth, especially when it came to diet, he went on all sorts of diets to see how he would respond and to see how he felt on each, noting the differences in himself.

Put me in your belly!!

Immediately, I can see how I could learn from that, just 30 minutes ago I saw a piece of pizza from the kitchen and I ate it, but, did I really need to eat it? I don’t know, I don’t care...and I still don’t know? But I ate it and it was good, hip-hip hurrah!!!

Err...moving on.

 Flash back of someone on Saturday night, banging on about hating the term 'experimenting with drugs', I was thinking,

'Where are the parents?' If only the parents introduced the kids to cooking, they might experiment with eggs or dried fruit or the like? But that all I know about experimenting.

 Sorry if this isn't making any sense, my brain might be a bit fried from years of abuse?

Back to 'Self-Experimentation and Observation', its interesting relating it to 1 month off duty with beer consumption; 

I’ve begun to notice lots of 'little things' about myself

1, I seem more controlled in every sense

2, Healthier and Fitter

3, Happier, more content, more optimistic.

4, I'm saving a small fortune!!

5, I have somewhat normal-er weekends now

6, I wake up earlier, because I got to sleep earlier, makes sense?

And big things about others:

It seems the intelligence level of people somewhat drops by a good 50%, which is interesting, when your part of the demographic consuming alcoholic beverages, you don’t seem to notice this 'fact', but probably wouldn't impede 85% of people (who become instant experts) from indulging in discussions relating to all things important to your average Australian, house prices, belly button fluff, BBQ's, mullet hair care, Shane Warne, Shane Warns text messages, Shane Warne's ex, happy endings, horror movies, house prices, % being added to previous % of house prices, % quotes not making any sense? 

90 % of that was made up, or fabricated if you will?

Could the person that invented the % have ever imagined the problems they caused by the %?

Back to the list from Michel (your not getting off that easily)

Point 2 of the list, Keep a Commonplace Book, well your reading it boys and girls.

Point 3 of the list, Que sais je? (Don’t take yourself too seriously), in case you haven't figured it out by now, your reading that too Pee-pel.

I say Keep on Blogging, George Michael says 'Just keep on Fu$king', both it good for you, as far as I can tell? 

Or do I need a % to convince you?