Love in an elevator, or is love an elevator?

So, work being work and safety being what it is and I won’t even go on about Aussies that like wearing socks while having sex, in other parts of the world they use condoms, maybe one day they will catch on here?

So, for one of yesterdays meating's I had to attend, they had a safety topic about 'Near misses' and the more they went on about it, my mind is ticking, (not tocking, not at that point ) but in a much different way, it would appear from the looks of everyone else in the room.


Health and safety say, 'Near misses' and 'near misses' and my mind cranks up a bit of Coldplay, the lyrics 'and the truth is, I miss you, I miss you...', I sure do and I’m not sure what I miss and now (today as I write this) my mind is switched to the start of this Dr Dre song 'Fuck you'
It starts off with a 'Miss you' theme also, in case your wondering where this is all headed.


The memory for the song 'Fuck you' DRE song is when I was helping my ex's friend Bambi move house after a very 'emotional' break up with some guy that was more interested in banging other chicks, fair enough i guess, he never made a secret of it anyway, what was the problem?

I'm driving and we are stopped at the lights, the Intro for the DRE 'Fuck you' song from the 2001 album, the Chronic comes one, it's an emotional chick, expressing her love for DRE (oh, very lovely, nice, very emotional answer machine message), DRE cuts in, not so nice, I had to laugh, the chick Bambi laughed too, but you must listen to it for yourself, there is no point in me telling you, it would spoil it! So check it out!
Now Dr DRE reminds me when I moved in to a house in Carlton North, I swore I wouldn't EVER like rap music, I was pretty vocal about this too, I was too much into Jazz, John Coltrane ect to like any of that stuff.

John Coltrane

 Marty Friedman and the like were my heroes (and still is) but I was correctly informed that, yes you will like this music, in 3 months I loved rap music and it was all true.

Marty

 After incessant playing of Eminem, Dr Dre and the Wu-Tang Clan, my house probably resembled one a torture music chamber in Guantanamo bay, except I was just getting into it

Guantamano bay

I really did and my music tastes progressed then to electronic and other abstract journey kind of music, with no start or finish
Probably the Coldplay song, 'and I miss you’ reminds me of driving on highways, in sunny afternoons, cruising, oh happy days, coming back from surfing, maybe, long time ago.


Eminem

So, back to the Health and safety meating, we are in a meating, I’m taking notes, but not work notes (dum de dum, no beats) to do with what’s going on with the 4 walls of the room.

No, I’m writing about what’s going on in the confines of my cranium, the previous day Health and safety risk was mentioned, 'What happened you say?' After all, that would be the logical thing for you to think?


Well the other day, after another meating a bunch of 'colleagues' and I (use of correct English grammar there folks, ok no more showing off), I press 14 in the elevator (this is our level and off we go, like the elevator out of Willy wonka and the chocolate factory), except this elevator (of love?) decides to stop and go downwards, this is not good, I press the next level to get out Level 9, so to get out there.

A miagical elevator ride

But this elevator has a mind of it's own, now it wants to go down and fast, someone wants to press 'Stop', I say 'And do what? Have a cup of tea?' Elevator drops again.


People panic, since I’ve pretty much done everything I want to do in life anyways, I don’t really care, I say, 'Oh, no we're going to die', to the woman next to me and laugh, what could i do? It was funny to me?

Now it would appear there are a lot of people that are afraid of dying, they seem afraid of living too, so what the hell are they doing at all? Are they in limbo, dancing?

Some of my collegues at a work function BBQ in limbo

Here's the mail I sent our Safety person when I was asked to fill out a 'Near miss' health and safety form.

Hi XXX

What if you think your too old and plummeting to your own 'Ground zero' from somewhere between level 9 and 10 would be a good way to 'go out'?


I was planning on jumping at the very end, of course.

Think what the royalties would be worth to me, maybe a book deal, work would be just a faint memory? I could have even been interviewed my Eddie Mc Guire and received a signed Collingwood jersey, which i would have burnt, of course.

Anyways, thanks for your interest.

 Regards
Kieran

All's well that ends well, the elevator apparently know what was good for it and decided to behave it's self and bring us to level 14, some were a bit shaken, I was felling quietly reassured, I have no regrets in life at all.

p.s.
We have been told to not use that lift no, so i sent another mail

Hi XXX

Do you think that lift is responsible for so many people after leaving the program?


I mean if you had a 'near miss' and while the lift is retreating towards the place where you bought coffee and just then while you have flash backs of you first holy communion, you realise all you really wanted to do in life is save the baby hippo's in Africa, or feed them at the zoo?
Maybe you might need to inform the HR department about the lift ?

Regards


Kieran